Life is funny sometimes.
Last week, I met a young man who had been to hell and back, in his battle against leukemia. His battle, and more importantly, his attitude, along with the story of the people who helped him on his journey back to recovery were an inspiration to me and the other TNT runners who met last Thursday. Tonight I watched a similarly inspirational tale "Into the Wind", the ESPN 30for30 presentation by Steve Nash and Ezra Holland about Terry Fox's epic battle against cancer - and what he did when he realized that young children had been suffering from the same challenges as him.
I find myself in a contemplative mood, so I will wax rhapsodic to the citizens of the interweb. (Note: when writing this, I imagined a voiceover to a video montage, not dissimilar to that which starts or completes an episode of Grey's Anatomy, so please, when you're reading this, read it in that tone).
Where does one find inspiration? How about fulfillment? Is it in seeing someone fight towards accomplishing seemingly unattainable goal, such as survival? Is it found while watching the heroic nature of certain members of society? What about activities? Is it watching good conquer evil, or is it something more abstract - a bag floating in the wind; a beautiful flowering landscape; a brilliant catch of the football? In art? In music? In fantasy? In god? In ourselves?
I guess, for each of us it's different. For me, I get inspired by the triumph of the underdog. I unfortunately don't find a lot of deep inspiration in my life, so I hold on for the ride of my life when I find it. I'm not a particularly spiritual being, so I don't find it in God. Don't get me wrong, I respect those who have found a belief, no matter what the reason or justification -- I just don't share it. I get fulfilled by, of all things, the belief of others in me. Watching the old videos of Terry Fox, this was a guy who found something to believe in. He fought hard to accomplish his goal, and was ultimately effective in his tribulations. He was inspired to act, took the bull by the horns, and went for it.
I run for those who can't. Cancer and all of its evil cohort can stay in hell and not take any beautiful, fantastic people down with it.
Now regarding fulfillment, I don't find that in my life; At the moment, I feel somewhat lacking in direction. I don't know what to believe in. Over life, I've accomplished nearly everything that I have through a combination of good fortune and hard work. I've busted my ass repeatedly and continuously in order to get where I am today, largely at the expense of other, possibly more important things in life. In thinking about what I've done over the course of life, I think back to when I felt I've been truly happy, and have come to the conclusion that I feel fulfilled when I feel loved by those around me. Now I know that there will be those in the crowd who take that last comment, and "make it gay", or whatever they like, but it's true. I have a builder personality type. A caretaker. I feel best when I'm able to help those who are close to me meet their goals, and when they in turn can return the favour**. Don't get me wrong, there are other components to fulfillment in the form of diversion, education, satisfaction, but largely, that's where I derive my satisfaction.
I went online last week and ordered a bunch of copies of a John Blumberg book entitled "Silent Alarm: A parable of hope for busy professionals" to distribute to members of my team. Those who work for FTI will recognize it as one of the pieces of paradoxical propaganda we were given at new hire orientation -- with the key focus on understanding what it is in life that truly brings value (relationships over vocational success), and understanding that a good work/life balance is critical to your overall happiness. Someday I hope to have a life/life balance. That's one of the reasons I'm in the technology business. I truly believe that the balance is important, because I for one don't seem to be able to find true happiness without the relationships.
Obviously, given my meandering, I'm finding myself with a little more time than I used to have to philosophize on the meaning of life, happiness and all that jazz. The question is, is it wrong? I don't know. I like who I am, and it's hard-wired in my personality to help those that I'm capable of helping. I just wish it were as easy to find that inspiration when I'm only living for myself as it is when love is in the air.
Waxing rhapsodic and closing the door on tonight.
Love y'all.
Dave
** Screw you chrome, I'm not removing the "u". Get over it. It's not misspelled.
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